“This is a critical time for the president’s ego,” said Pelosi.  “Without an emergency stimulus package, we risk a failure of his ego on a massive scale.  And like GM and AIG, his ego is just too big for us to afford to let it fail.  I am working with Harry Reid in the Senate to propose a stimulus package that will be targeted at shoring up President Obama’s ego and setting us back on the right path.  This proposed $350 billion stimulus package will focus on areas like bribing the Academy so that the president is guaranteed to win an Oscar, funding ACORN in key areas that need help to elect Democrats, paying will.i.am to write another cool song about Obama, and buying up all of the advertising slots on the Rush Limbaugh program to balance Rush’s attacks.  We must act now, now, NOW!  If the president’s ego is allowed to fail, the results will be catastrophic for our country.  I’m hopeful that both parties can work together for a bipartisan package, but I am not holding my breath that Republicans have the country’s best interests at heart.”

Facing a potential GOP landslide in elections tonight, President Obama has been asked what this might mean for his agenda.

“A loss in Virginia, New Jersey or California would only prove that a lack of health care reform in this country is even more serious than we thought,” said Obama.  “It means so many Democrats have been killed by a lack of health coverage, that we can’t even win elections any longer.  We need to get this bill passed now before our democracy is lost.  Only wealthy Republicans can afford health care, so they are the only people well enough to vote.  There is no way they would win these elections with a proper health plan in place, and that’s why they are fighting so hard to stop reform.  The H1N1 flu has only exacerbated the problem.  I will ensure that reform happens before the next elections in order to save this country.”