Tag Archives: deficit

Nov200922

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27-Year-Old California Man Drowns in Debt, State Warns More May Follow

Surf Lifesavers Watch Over Bondi Beach

Larry Shovelfield of Fresno, California, drowned in debt over the weekend at his home.  Mr. Shovelfield was known as a strong swimmer who was on the swim team as an adolescent, but the amount of debt was apparently too much for him to overcome. 

“He was a very strong swimmer,” said his brother, Steve.  “He could handle a $15 billion deficit, maybe even $16 or $17 billion.  But a $21 billion budget deficit was just more than he could handle.  I’m sure he struggled as long as he could, but in the end he just couldn’t keep his head above the California state deficit.  $21 billion is too much to ask anyone to survive.  We would like to sue the state of California for killing Larry, but winning a lawsuit would only grow the deficit larger and risk having more people drown in debt.”

State safety officials are investigating the incident, but they are treating it as an accident.  They cautioned California residents to stop electing Socialists and take basic economics classes to prevent future tragedies.  “Californians seem to have problems with basic economic realities,” said Ned Cromwell of the California Safety Bureau.  “If you elect officials who spend too much money, vote for ballot initiatives that put the state further into debt, and drive revenue producers from your state, you end up with enough debt to drown people.  Even good swimmers like Mr. Shovelfield.  Unfortunately, I think we’re going to find more drowning victims in the future.  I only hope the entire population doesn’t fall victim.”

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Nov200918

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Obama Declares National Debt Too Big to Fail

Reported Deficits vs.

After reaching over $12 trillion dollars in size, President Obama declared that the federal debt is too big to fail and should be given a bailout.

“Our country cannot afford to have the national debt fail,” said Obama.  “The consequences would be disastrous.  If the debt fails, then that would set off a chain reaction around the world with catastrophic results.  We need a bailout package in order to stabilize the health of the debt so that it doesn’t go under.  It doesn’t matter how much we need to borrow in order to keep it alive, as the alternative is unfathomable.  I am asking Congress to approve a $4 trillion dollar bailout package that will be given to the debt.  The money can be borrowed from the current deficit and repaid over time with tax increases on the wealthy.”

When a Fox News reporter asked if it made sense to borrow money in order to save debt, she was shouted down by other journalists.  But President Obama did respond to the question, explaining that “I made a promise to the American people, and I intend to keep that promise.  Can you imagine what would happen if we didn’t borrow that money to save the debt?  You can run your confusing and biased stories all you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that this nation as we know it may come to an end if we don’t take action now.”

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