Sandy Berger Responsible for Stealing Climategate Documents in Underpants

Investigators announced that Sandy Berger has now been identified as the individual responsible for stealing and leaking the Climategate emails showing that climate scientists have been lying about scientific data, subverting the peer review process, and being smug wankers.

Mr. Berger visited the CRU earlier this year and managed to hide the data files in his underpants and remove them from the building.  Investigators speculate that the reason he stole the information was because he is loyal to the Clintons and thus hates Al Gore.  Berger was caught after Al Gore tracked down the files online, which he is able to do since he invented the Internet and knows his way around pretty well.

Shallow Thoughts, by Barack Obama: Global Warming

Someone asked me once if I really believed in global warming.  I yelled and screamed at that person at the top of my lungs until they cried and ran away.  I wasn’t too sure about the whole global warming thing, but I couldn’t tell them I was just kidding because they were already gone.

Climate Scientists Use Jedi Mind Trick to Cover Up Email Scandal

Image via Wikipedia

After a hacker managed to penetrate the email system at the University of East Anglia Climate Research Unit and disclose thousands of emails that show collusion, falsified research and intimidation of skeptics, the climate warriors have unleashed a Jedi to set their agenda back on track.

“These are not the emails you are looking for,” said Master Ono Won Kyoto.  “The emails you seek prove global warming is real.  Move along.”

Only three news outlets worldwide reported on the scandal, so the Jedi had a very small audience to convince.  Scientists believe the Jedi mind trick was effective and plan to continue disrupting the world economy to land further research funding for their projects.