Tag Archives: Afghanistan

Dec200901

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Obama Sending 30,000 Troops to Afghanistan and 5,000 Journalists to Fox News

Fox News Channel controversies

President Obama announced that he will be sending 30,000 more troops to help fight the war in Afghanistan today.  He will also send 5,000 journalists to fight the war against Fox News.  Democrats fear both strategies could end in a quagmire.

“I think it’s time to withdraw on both fronts,” said a Democrat senator who wished to remain anonymous.  “Both wars are impossible to win, and we’re just putting lives at risk.  The Taliban can continue to hide in their caves and wait us out.  Fox News can continue to broadcast damaging information about Obama, and not enough people watch the other networks to allow the 5,000 journalists to reach a significant audience.”

Due to the failing economics in the news industry, Obama had no problem recruiting 5,000 journalists to send to the war on Fox News.  “This is the right war at the right time,” said President Obama.  “Our young men and women in the media are the future of this country.  We should be proud of the work their doing to fight against a common enemy, Fox News.  Our allies support us in this fight, and we will win this war.”

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Nov200913

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Obama Changes Course on Afghanistan: Pull Troops, Send in Police Force

The FDNY, NYPD And Port Authority Police Ring The NASDAQ Opening BellOn the heels of an announcement that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed will be tried in a federal civilian court in New York for planning the 9/11 attacks, President Obama announced that he has finally reached a decision on his plan for Afghanistan.  He will pull all military troops and send in police officers instead.

“This is a legal issue, a police issue,” said Obama.  “That is why we are trying Khalid in a civil court of law.  He is under arrest for crimes, and he should be given all rights of any common criminal.  The Taliban and al Qaeda fighting us in Afghanistan are also just common criminals.  Our soldiers aren’t trained in how to arrest these people, read them their rights, and work with their attorneys to get them fair trials.  Too often we go in with guns and bombs without proper search warrants and probably cause.  From now on, our highly skilled police officers will be in charge of investigating individuals in Afghanistan, building a case against them, collecting forensic evidence, serving proper arrest warrants, making sure they have proper legal representation, and getting them safely back to American courts where they can be tried by a jury of their peers.  Since we don’t have enough jihadists to act as their peers in a trial here, we will likely fly in jurors from Yemen, Pakistan, and Iran to serve on juries to ensure a fair trial.  Let me be clear.  This is about fairness, respect, and human dignity.  It all starts with Mr. Khalid Mohammed.  He deserves a fair trial and may indeed even be set free for not being read his proper Miranda rights.  Better for that to happen than to act illegally in our treatment of him during the arrest and prosecution process.”

Attorney General Eric Holder added that racial profiling and prisoner abuse would not be tolerated by police officers who go to Afghanistan.  “They will still be held to a very high standard,” said Holder.  “We have too many racist police officers in this country, and I won’t tolerate them mistreating people of color just because they are in another country.  They must follow proper police procedures at all times and be sensitive to others.”

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