Climate Scientists Fear We May Have Already Died Based on New Warming Data

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Climate scientists made a shocking discovery today: we are probably already dead based on new climate data numbers coming in from recent measurements.

“It’s even worse than I feared,” said Dr. Notid Skamartest of the United Nations Climate and World Control Council.  “According to these new temperature measurements, we have all been killed by the effects of global warming.  Probably sometime around the summer of 2007.  In fact, I’m not even really speaking to you right now.  This is just a residual memory transfiguration event that we all are experiencing after our recent demise.  I can’t believe no one listened to us, and now we’re all dead.”

After years of dire warnings that carbon emissions would destroy the world any day now, it appears that the worst has already happened.  Al Gore said in a press conference today that this discovery only shows we must have an even more aggressive approach to global warming in order to reverse the warming trend and save the now-destroyed earth.

“Now more than ever, we must accelerate changes in our behavior,” said Gore.  “Oil companies must be shut down.  My alternative fuel companies will supply all energy from now on.  All livestock must be destroyed to eliminate their gastric emissions.  We must turn back the clock and bring our mother earth back to life.  No matter the cost.”