Obama Says He Did Not Bow to Japanese Emperor, Shoe Teleprompter Was Malfunctioning

As controversy spread of the “bow” heard round the world, President Obama sheepishly admitted in a Chinese press conference that his apparent subservient bow to Emperor Akihito was actually just an attempt for him to get a closer look at his malfunctioning shoe teleprompter.

“I’m tired of hearing all of the speculation about the bow,” said Obama.  “So I’m just going to come clean and admit the truth.  And the truth is that my staff provided me with a high tech teleprompter that is integrated into the top of my shoe and allows me to subtly glance down for my lines.  It is much easier than hiring a staff to carry my teleprompters all over the world.  Unfortunately, the damn thing malfunctioned and decreased the font size of the text to the point where I couldn’t read it.  I was frozen, unsure what I was supposed to say next, who I was talking to, or even what country I was in.  So I quickly bent over while shaking hands with this gentleman in order to read what I was supposed to say.  I had no idea it would cause such an incident, but the technical glitch has been fixed, and I can read the shoe teleprompter just fine now.”

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