Obama Changes Course on Afghanistan: Pull Troops, Send in Police Force

On the heels of an announcement that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed will be tried in a federal civilian court in New York for planning the 9/11 attacks, President Obama announced that he has finally reached a decision on his plan for Afghanistan.  He will pull all military troops and send in police officers instead.

“This is a legal issue, a police issue,” said Obama.  “That is why we are trying Khalid in a civil court of law.  He is under arrest for crimes, and he should be given all rights of any common criminal.  The Taliban and al Qaeda fighting us in Afghanistan are also just common criminals.  Our soldiers aren’t trained in how to arrest these people, read them their rights, and work with their attorneys to get them fair trials.  Too often we go in with guns and bombs without proper search warrants and probably cause.  From now on, our highly skilled police officers will be in charge of investigating individuals in Afghanistan, building a case against them, collecting forensic evidence, serving proper arrest warrants, making sure they have proper legal representation, and getting them safely back to American courts where they can be tried by a jury of their peers.  Since we don’t have enough jihadists to act as their peers in a trial here, we will likely fly in jurors from Yemen, Pakistan, and Iran to serve on juries to ensure a fair trial.  Let me be clear.  This is about fairness, respect, and human dignity.  It all starts with Mr. Khalid Mohammed.  He deserves a fair trial and may indeed even be set free for not being read his proper Miranda rights.  Better for that to happen than to act illegally in our treatment of him during the arrest and prosecution process.”

Attorney General Eric Holder added that racial profiling and prisoner abuse would not be tolerated by police officers who go to Afghanistan.  “They will still be held to a very high standard,” said Holder.  “We have too many racist police officers in this country, and I won’t tolerate them mistreating people of color just because they are in another country.  They must follow proper police procedures at all times and be sensitive to others.”

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